all the doors inside my home are slamming into one another
afternoon
late february
i’m waiting for the southerly to bring the ash up from the coast
i’ll try to catch it as it floats down from the sky
the brightest white
it’s all that’s left from distant fires
put down your phone
it’s killing me
you never really look at me
i pick a fight to kill the time
am i enough? 
i don’t wanna lose the rush
i don’t wanna lose the rush

all the windows in my home play static white noise television
i try to turn off all the screens
but nothing’s ever quite that easy
change the channel
try rewinding everything that is behind me
once again i play the parts
i didn’t even change the ending
i’ll pay off all my parking fines
convince myself that i will write more
i’ll tell my sister that i miss her
that i wish that i was closer
complain about the humidity
but praise the weather app for being the only thing that is worth trusting
unlike me
think about the time you placed your hand on my back
and i said, i take it back i take it back i take it back i take it back
i don’t love you anymore
i don’t love you anymore
i don’t love you anymore
i don’t love you anymore

half the time i’m used to it
i can’t remember what i miss
i hold too tight
i hold too tight
i hold too tight
i suffocate it