[T-Bone]

Everyone's excited to go to grandpa's cabin

The fun starts to end when he makes us grab 'em

He takes us one at a time out to the toolshed

He makes me tea-bag while my sister gives head

My parents turned away and try to ignore it

It stops at the inheritance but not before it

He might be crazy, he might be mean

But he can only get it up if my sister screams

Now here's my brotha to give his testimony

Grandpa's got viagra and he's still so horny



[The Shaft]

What he does is real sick

Especially with that wrinkled up old dick

I had to do some homework, I had to do some math

Please oh please don't watch me take a bath

He said we'd go fishin on his little boat

Please don't make me swallow it hurts my throat

I think he's German, or maybe Dutch

My teacher taught me that that's a bad touch

I think I might have the crabs and I'm gettin kinda nervous

I swear if you don't stop I'll call child service



[chorus]

Let me go home 

I'm just too far 

From where you are 

I wanna come home



[T-Bone]

We get into the toolshed, it's risin like yeast

Get your hand out of my pants, you former catholic priest

Why don't you get a prostitute or maybe a whore

This is weekend after weekend it's a strenuous chore

I know you fought in 'Nam where this was okay

But now is where it stops we're in the USA



[chorus]



[T-Bone]

The other day I thought it would be fun

If I snuck into your room and got your shotgun

I got an idea, don't matter what I do

I'm gonna use this shotgun to castrate you

BOOM! Problem fixed it's all over

Atleast until daddy starts comin over...