W*nker! W*nker!
Ivor Biggun is my name
W*nking is my claim to fame
To hit the bathroom ceiling is my aim
A week ago last tuesday I got just above the window frame
If you look carefully you can see the stain
I'm going to wank until I paralyze my brain
"You don't think I'm getting obsessed with all this 
m*sturbation bit do you?
You don't think I'm a man obsessed, do you?... You don't 
think there's anything strange about me..."
I'm going to w*nk until my t*sticles burst into flames
Until I yelp and scream with pain
I'm going to get a big piece of wood
A big lavatory door
I'm going to cut a hole out of it
And I'm going to stick my knob
Through the big hole in the lavatory door
And read all the rude stuff that's written on it and get 
myself excited
And I'm going to ooh-ahh-ooh-ahh-ooh-ahh-ohh-ahh-ooh
Even though I know it goes against the grain
Until I feel all...right!