(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say, I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last
But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to die for he really knows his shtick

So how's by you? Have you seen this Jew?
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Workin' like a dog at the synagogue
He's there all day, he's there all day

Just say, "Vay iz mir" and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer
And maybe bagels with some shmear
Just grab your yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say, I'm pretty fly
(For a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice
He has to find a bargain,'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, oh, he'll make you such a deal

People used to scoff, now they say, "Mazel tov"
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like? What's not to like?

On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise
Put on your yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say, he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite chip
The parents pay the moyal and he gets to keep the tip

(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, oy vey

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says,"Shalom"
And "Have some cake, you want some cake?"

Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz
So grab your yamulkah, the one you got for Chanukah
Let's put on our yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing