Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside.
Don't you know that we control the horizontal.
We control the vertical, too.
We gonna make a couch potato out of you.
That's what we're goin' to do, now.

   Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial.
   We got it all on UHF.
   Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile.
   We got it all on UHF.
   Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job.
   Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob.
   We got it all, we got it all on UHF.

Disconnect the phone, now, leave the dishes in the sink.
You better put away your homework, prime time ain't no time to think.
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner.
Press your face right up against the screen.
We gonna show you things you ain't ever seen.
If you know what I mean, now.

   Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial.
   We got it all on UHF.
   Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile.
   We got it all on UHF.
   Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job.
   Just crank up your volume and yank off your knob.
   We got it all, we got it all on UHF.

You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night.
You can watch us any time that you please.
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
Till your brain turns to cottage cheese.

   Well, now, don't change the channel, don't touch that dial.
   We got it all on UHF.
   Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile.
   We got it all on UHF.
   Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job.
   You gotta crank up the volume, yank off the knob.
   We got it all, we got it all on UHF