He was a dumb-lookin', scrawny, little four-eyed freak
He never used to hang around with the guys
He'd just sit in the corner, attractin' the flies

He wasn't much to look at
He never was very bright
but at least there was one thing that he could do all right
That boy could dance

He was kind of a jerk
He was kind of a bore
but the women would scream when he walked in the door
'cause one thing I could tell you for sure
That boy could dance

Picking teams, he would always be last
He couldn't run very far,
He couldn't think very fast
If he was on your side, you'd always lose
the guy had a problem, even tying his shoes

He never passed his drivers test
He was always afraid of cars
and he had a complexion that resembled the surface of Mars
but that boy could dance

Well, his hair was a mess
and his clothes didn't fit
He smelled pretty bad, and he drooled just a bit
but you gotta admit
boy, that boy could dance

Now that boy is much older
he's got his own dance studio
He's got a teeny bopper fan club
yeah, he's got his own TV show
now he owns half of Montana
they all call him "Diamond Jim"
and you know I'd do anything if I could be just like him
'cause that boy could dance