Song:       Albuquerque
Artist:     Weird Al Yankovic
CD:         Running With Scissors
Copyright:  1999 Volcano Entertainment
Tabbed For: Electric Guitar
Tabbed By:  Tim Fehr

Ok this is one of the coolest songs I've ever heard its long but
Really funny. It dosent take a looser to play it but it takes one
To sing it. I'm not sure about any of the solos cuz their really fast
and I don't do that kinda stuff. So help would be nice.For this song you
might want to know the chords that are used. Because frankly I don't
use them that often.

   F         B        Fm7?      Bm7
E--1--    E--1--    E--1--    E--1--
B--1--    B--3--    B--1--    B--2--
G--2--    G--3--    G--1--    G--1--
D--3--    D--3--    D--1--    D--3--
A--3--    A--1--    A--3--    A--1--
E--1--    E--1--    E--1--    E--1--

E-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-8h10p8-|-------------|
B-------------|-------------|-------------|--10---------|
G-------------|-------------|-------------|-----10------|
D-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|
A-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|
E-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|
                                                       F F
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the
                                          F F
stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the
                           F F
street from Jerry?s Bait Shop? You know the place? Well anyway, back then
         F F                                   F F
life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy? except of course
                 F F                                F F
for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make me
                                F F                       F  F
a big old bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. Daaaaaaaouh! Big bowl of
 F    F
sauerkraut!
E-13------------|
B---13p10-------|
G--------10-----| F       F       F                              F F
D---------------| Every single morning! It was driving me crazy. I said to
A---------------|
E---------------|

                                                    F F
my mom, I said, ?Hey mom, what?s up with all the sauerkraut?? And my dear
                     F F                                               F F
sweet mother she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train.
                                                           F  F  F  F
And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, ?It?s good for you!?
B B B B               F        F         F      F     B      B        B
        And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
     B        F   F  F   F     B      B        B         B         F  F
and force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty-six and a half
                                    F F
years old. That?s when I swore that someday, someday I would get out of
                   F F                                         F
that basement and travel to a magical far away place where the sun is
                        B                            F
always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are
            B            F                                  B
oh so fluffy, where the shriners and the lepers play their ukulele?s all
              F                              B
day long and anyone on the street?ll gladly shave you?re back for a
 F       B  B    B B   F
nickel. Wakawakadoodoo yah! Well let me tell you people, that it wasn?t
                     F F                                       F F
long at all before my dream came true because the very next day a local
                                                F F
radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number
                      F F                                           F F
of molecules in Leonard Neroy?s butt. I was off by three but I still won
                              F F
the grand prize. That?s right a first class one-way ticket, to
F Fm7 B Bm7   F       B F F Fm7 B Bm7   F       B
A     -    lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! Ah yah, you know I never
                                    F F
been on a real airplane before and I gotta tell ya it was really great.
F F                                               F F
Except that I had to ist between two large Albanian women with
                                        F F
excruciatingly severe body odour and the little kid in back of me kept
                          F F
throwing up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper
                 F F                                                   F F
and salted peanuts and the in flight movie was "Biodome" with Polly Shore.
                                                              F
And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we went into a
             B                                 F
tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant
 B             F                                                    F
fireball and everybody died! Except for me. You know why? ?Cause I had my
              B        F                        B
train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position, had my
 F            B         F                         B
train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position, had my
 F             B        F                        B
train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position. Ah ha ha
                         F F                                           F F
ha! Oh ha ha! Ahhhh. So I crawled from the twisted burnin? wreckage, I
                                                F F
crawled on my hands and knees for three full days, dragging along my big
 F                         B                  F
leather suitcase, and my garment bag, and my tenor saxophone, and my
 B                                F                       B
twelve-pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow in the dark
       F                                            B  B        B   B
snorkel. But finally a arrived at the world famous ?Albuquerque Holiday
 F                                                  F F
Inn?, where the towels are oh so fluffy, and you could eat you?re soup
                                    F F
right out of the ashtrays if you wanna, it?s OK their clean. Well I
 F                                 B                                 F
checked into my room and I turned down the AC and I turned on the spectro
      B                                         F
vision and I was just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
        B                             F
that I love so very very much when suddenly there?s a knock on the door.

F                                       F F                     F F
Well now who could that be? I say, ?who is it?? No answer. ?Who is it??
                                                                   F
There?s no answer. ?Who is it!?? They?re not saying anything, so finally I
                                 F
go over and I open the door and just as I suspected, it?s some big fat
    F                                                 F F
hermaphrodite with a flock of seagull?s haircut and only one nostril. Oh
        F F                                 F                       B
man I hate it when I?m right. So anyway he burst into my room and grabbes

my lucky snorkel and I?m like ?hey, you can?t have that! That snorkel has
  F                                                F F
been just like a snorkel to me.? And he?s like ?tough? And I?m like ?give
                  F F                                 F           F
it.? And he?s like ?make me.? And I?m like ?k.? So I grabbed his leg and
     B            B            F            F            B
he grabbed my oesophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my
  B                                          F          F
eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a valonic irrigation
                                      F F
yes indeed you better believe it. And somehow in the middle of it all the
                            F F                                F F
phone got knocked off the hook, and twenty seconds later I heard a
                                      F F
familiar voice, and you know what it said, I?ll tell you what it said, it
                 F       F     B      B      B   F       F    B    B   F
said, ?if you?d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you
      F        B        B              F  B                F       F
need help hang up and then dial you?re operator. If you?d like to make a
 B      B     B   F       F    B        F        F        B        B
call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial
       F   B        F Fm7 B Bm7   F       B F F Fm7 B Bm7   F
you?re operator. In A     -    lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! Well
   F                                                F F
to cut a long story short he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemn
             F F
vow right then and there that I would rest, I would not sleep for an
   F F                                                   F F
instant until the one-nostriled man was brought to justice. But first I
                                  F        F              B           B
decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car and drove over to the donut
             F                                    B                   F
shop and I walked right up to the guy behind the counter and he says ?yah,

wadaya want??
E-13--------11--------------11131618------------------1113-| it ain't per-
B-------------1311--------13--------1816----------1113-----| fect but it'l
G-----------------1311------------------171513--13---------| give you some
D---------------------1310--------------------15-----------| thing to do
A----------------------------------------------------------| till  you fig
E----------------------------------------------------------| ure it out
             F F                                F F
I said, ? you got any glazed donuts?? He said, ?naaa were all out of
                       F F                                F F
glazed donuts.? I said, ?well you got any jelly donuts?? He said, ?naaa
                                     F F
were all out of jelly donuts.? I said, ?you got any Bavarian cream-filled
           F F                                                      F F
donuts?? He said, ?naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts.? I

                                          F F
said, ?you got any cinnamon rolls?? He said, ?naaa were all out of
                     F F                                       F F
cinnamon rolls.? I said, ?you got any apple fritters!?? He said, ?naaa
                                   F F
were out of apple fritters.? I said, ?you got any bear claws!!?? He said,

?wait a minute, I?ll go check.

E------------------------------------------------16-16-18-16-18-18b-|
B-18v----------------------------------------19-19-18---------------|
G------------------------------19-19-21-19-21-21--------------------|
D-----15v---------19-19-21-19-21-21---------------------------------|
A---------19h20h21--21----------------------------------------------|
E-------------------------------------------------------------------|

E-18-16-16-------------------|
B--------18-16-16------------|
G-------------18-18-15-15----|
D---------------------18-18--|
A-------------------------15-|
E----------------------------|
                             F                           F F
Naaa were out of bear claws.? I said, ?well in that case, in that case
                 F F                                                 F F
what do you have?? He said, ?all I?ve got right now is this box of one
                               E-24b\-|
                               B------|
dozen starving crazed weasels.?G------| I said, ?OK I?ll take that.? So he
                               D------|
                               A------|
                               E------|
 F                        B                        F
hands over the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and they
   B                          F
immediately latch onto my face and start biting me all over ayiyi
                                              F F                     F F
yiyiyiyi. Oh, oh man they were just going nuts! Their terin? me apart. You
                                                                   F FF
know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started goin?
              B BB                     F FF                 B BB
through my head. I believe it went a little something like this.
 F  F  F  F   B  B  B  B   F  F  F  F   B  B  B  B   F  F  F  F   B  B  B
?Doooohgetemoffmegettemoffmeooogetemoffgettemoffoooohgetoooohgeooohoooahhh
B   F  F  F  F   B  B  B  B  F F
hohhhiahhooohahahahhhohhhhh!? I ran out onto the street with these flesh
       F F                                                   F F
eating weasels all over my face, waiving my arms all around and just
                                                         F F
runnin? and runnin? and runnin? like a constipated wiener dog. And as luck
                      F F                                          F F
would have it, that?s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams, her
              F F
name was Zelda. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite
  F F                                 F F
and hair the colour of strange peaches. I?ll never forget the very first
                   F F                                              F
thing she said to me, she said, ?hey, you got weasels on your face.?

                            F F
That?s when I knew it was true love, we were inseparable after that, oh we
F F                              F F
ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-
                     F F                              F
flavoured dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got married and
    B                         F                       B
we bought us a house and had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and
        F                            F F
Superfly. Oh we were so very very very happy, oh ya. But then one fateful

night Zelda said to me, she said, ?Sweetie-pumpkin, do you want to join
                         F FF F B BB          F      B
the Columbia Record Club??          I said, ?Wooooah hold on now baby, I?m
 F                       B                        F
just not ready for that kind of a commitment.? So we broke up and I never
                          F    F     F      F         F Fm7 B Bm7   F
saw her again but that?s just the way things go, . In A     -
    F     B   F Fm7 B Bm7   F
lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque!

E-16-16-16---16-16-16---16------16b16b17b17b17b18b18b-16-13-----------|
B-18-------18---18----18--18-18-18--------------------------16--------|
G--------------------------------------------------------------14-----|
D-----------------------------------------------------------------15--|
A---------------------------------------------------------------------|
E---------------------------------------------------------------------|

E----------------------------------------20p18p16p11-|
B----------------------------------18-16-------------|
G-17-15----18-18-18-16----19-17----------------------|
D------17-------------16-------17--------------------|
A----------------------------------------------------|
E----------------------------------------------------|
                                                        F F
Anyway then things really started looking up for me, because about a week
                           F F                                   F F
later I finally achieved my life-long dream. That?s right I got me a part
                                F F
time job at the ?Sizzler.? I even made employee-of-the-month after I put
                            F F
out that grease-fire with my face. Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of me
F F                                    F F
after that. I was getting lota attitude. OK like one time, I was out in
                       F F                                         F F
the parking lot trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil, when
                                             F F
I see this guy Marty tryin? to carry a big old sofa up the stairs all by
                         F F
himself. So I-I say to him, I say, ?hey, you want me to help you with
    F F                                        F F
that? And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes, ?nooooo I want you to cut
                F F                   B          F       F      F     F
off my arms and legs with a chain saw.? So I did. And then he gets all
  B     B      B       B     F       F       F      F   B   B   B    B
indignant on me, he?s like, ?hey mad I was just being sarcastic.? Well
 F                                                F F
that?s just great, how was I supposed to know that? I?m not a mind reader
                     F F
for crying out loud. Besides now he?s got a really cute nickname ?Torso

      E-20-16-18-17-14-16----------------------------------------|
      B-------------------20-16-18-17-13-15----------------------|
F F   G-------------------------------------19-15-17-17-13-15----|
Boy?. D-------------------------------------------------------15-| So
      A----------------------------------------------------------|
      E----------------------------------------------------------|

what?s he complaining about? Say that reminds me of another amusing
       F F                                                   F F
anecdote; this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me he hasn?t had
                         F F
a bite in three days. Well I knew what he meant but just to be funny I
 F F                                               F             F
took a big bite out of his jugular vein, and he?s yelling and screaming
      B
and bleeding all over and I?m like, ?hey come on don?t you get it?? But he
           F       F             F          B         B            F
just kept rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming, YAHHHH!
  F      B             F F
OHHHH! AHHHH! And I?m completely missing the irony of the whole situation,
F F                                            F F        F F
man some people just can?t take a joke you know? Anyway, um? um? where was
 F F                             F F                    F F
I? Kinda lost my train of thought. Oh, uh, well oh okay anyway I know it?s
                                F F
a roundabout way of saying it but I guess the whole point I?m trying to
           F     B F                         B
make is, I, HATE, SAURKROUT! That?s all I?m really trying to say, and by
            F                     B
the way if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an
 F              B                   F                    B
exsulstential quandary full of woeing and self doubt and wrapped with the
                   F                  B                         F
pain and isolation of you?re pitiful meaningless existence, at least even
                     B                       F
take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this
  B                 F              B          F                   B
crazy old mixed up universe of ours, there?s still a little place, called
F Fm7 B Bm7   F    B   F Fm7 B Bm7   F       B     F           B
A     - lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
    F            B           F             B            F
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
    B               F     B     F     B      F       B       F F B B F F B B
Albuquerque, I say  A, A, L, L, B, B, U, U? QUERQUE! QUERQUE!
F   F        B   B        F   F        B   B        F    F
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
B   B        F   F        B   B        F   F        B   B
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
F   F        B   B        F   F        B   B        F   F
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
B   B        F
Albuquerque, Albuquerque,

E-13-13-11-18-16-13-11-13-11/8-6-8-6-4-------1-1-1-1-|
B--------------------------------------1-----1-1-1-1-|
G----------------------------------------3---2-2-2-2-|
D------------------------------------------1/3-3-3-3-| (drum solo)
A--------------------------------------------3-3-3-3-|
E--------------------------------------------1-1-1-1-|
                           (Belch)
I'm sorry but the last part I couldn't do because it goes too fast and my fingers are sore.
So just play a bunch of notes scaling from the 20th fret to the 1st on the D string and play that
awkward chord with lots of electronic phony stuff attached to it.

Comments, Questions or maybe even Changes (which I highly doubt) send em to