I'll sing you all a song about a wondrous new device
The nation's latest contraceptive plan
That funny little object they call the IUD
Has recently been changed to fit a man

It's the IPD, the IPD
It may not feel too good to you but it's not hurting me
So every time the pain begins to fill your eyes with tears
Remember I put up with it for years

They tested it on whales and they tried it out on mice
They used it in the poorer parts of town
It's the cleverest invention since the automatic lift
It's guaranteed to never let you down

It's the IPD, the IPD
It may not feel too good to you but it's not hurting me
So every time the pain begins to fill your eyes with tears
Remember I put up with it for years

It was proven to be safe for the average human male
Though testing showed some minor side effects
There were two died of infection and six were sterilized
But only ten percent were too depressed  

By the IPD, the IPD
It may not feel too good to you but it's not hurting me
So every time the pain begins to fill your eyes with tears
Remember I put up with it for years

But you know some people are never satisfied
So scientists are working once again
They've got something even better than the good old IPD
It's called the morning after pill for men

It's the pill, it's better than the IPD
It may not be too safe but we'll just have to wait and see
So put away your worries and put away your fears
And remember I put up with it for years

Oh, the IPD, the IPD
It may not feel too good to you but it's not hurting me
So every time the pain begins to fill your eyes with tears
Remember we put up with it for years