Oh, the Deacon went down to the cellar to pray
He found a jug and he stayed all day

Oh, the Deacon went down to the cellar to pray
He found a jug and he stayed all day
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more

You can't get to Heaven on roller skates
'Cause you'll roll right by them pearly gates
And you can't get to Heaven in a rocking chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no lazybones there

Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad
He lost a soul he thought he had
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more

You can't get to Heaven in an old Ford car
'Cause the old Ford car won't go that far
And you can't get to Heaven on a pair of skis
You'll suss right through Saint Peter's knees

Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad
He lost a soul he thought he had
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more

You can't get to Heaven in a limousine
'Cause the Lord don't sell no gasoline
If you get to Heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through

Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad
He lost a soul he thought he had
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more

 If I get to Heaven before you do
I'll plug that hole with shavings and glue
You can't get to Heaven with powder and paint
It makes you look like what you ain't

Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad
He lost a soul he thought he had
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more

You can't chew tobacco on that golden shore
'Cause the Lord don't have no cuspidor
That's all there is, there ain't no more
Saint Peter said as he closed the door

Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad
He lost a soul he thought he had
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more

There's one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don't go to Heaven, you'll go to Hell
I'll put my grief up on the shelf
If you want some more, make 'em up yourself

Oh, the devil is mad and I am glad
He lost a soul he thought he had
I ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more
I ain't a-gonna grieve my lord no more
Ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more