I just want to tell you about Martin
Cos nobody I know has got a brother like him
As kids we could never be parted
The neighbours all knew us as the terrible twins
At school some kids were always looking for a fight
But Martin never wanted a fuss
Bigmouth Brown thought he'd push him around
Being three years older than us
So I smashed him in the mush with the cloakroom stool
I got six of the best and suspended from school 

But it was worth it with a brother like Martin
It was worth it with a brother like him 

We used to nick motors for a joyride
Till we rammed a Black Maria in this XJ6
To give Martin time to get clear
I tried to punch a few policemen before I got nicked
I got Borstal for taking and driving away
And beating up the boys in blue
He hitched from Clapham to Crewe
With all me racing mags and the little bits of news
Smuggling in ciggies and a little bit of booze 

No-one ever had a brother like Martin
No-one ever had a brother like him 

People get the wrong impression with Martin
I know he doesn't mix much but he's no snob
The weekend I got out of remand home
He'd got Uncle Ruby to find me this job
And back at my Nan's he'd repainted my room
And bought me a brand new carpet
There was all me old records and books on a shelf
And a secondhand telly from the market
You can get a bit hard when you've been inside
But I hugged the old bastard and I almost cried 

Cos no-one ever had a brother like Martin
No-one ever had a brother like him