Your mother gives the bathroom door
A final and desperate yankin' -
I been caught wankin'
"What's taking so long?!" she'd implore
'Cept here's something she's not seen before
Oh man, you been caught wankin'
I been caught wankin'

It's probably pretty Freudian
But it's happened to every man
I been caught wankin'
Someone walks too suddenly in
And you're left standin' with a silly grin
And your dodger's still in your hand

I just been readin' N.M.E
'Bout what lately has got cred
They been caught wankin'
Look, it's true that it might just be me
But I tell you what, as far as I can see
They're massaging Kojak's head
They been caught wankin'
He's a bloke you could meet any day
Last names? - hey, just drop it
He been caught wankin'
"Tom and Nicole" he'll often say
In his own familiar nice bloke way
Hey Ray - get your hand off it
Been caught wankin'

We all saw the funeral for Lady Di
And didn't you just want to barf?
They been caught wankin'
The media all with their snouts in the sty
Crocodile tears caught in their eyes
You had to be heartless not to laugh
They been caught wankin'

Why is it just so hard not to gag
When a rock star adopts some big issue?
Rock star, caught wankin'
"No animal cruelty" they're likely to brag
But later they'll put a fish up some slag
For godsakes, who's taken all the tissues?
Rock star, caught wankin'

A bad boy image does no real harm
So by all means, go be caught stealin'
You been caught wankin'
Go be caught crackin' car alarms
Be caught with a needle stuck up your arm -
Just don't be caught with spoof on the ceilin'
Been caught wankin'