(Spooner/Evans) 

Copyright 1975 Pseudo Songs and Swiveltone Music 



What do you want from life 

To kidnap an heiress 

or threaten her with a knife 

What do you want from life 

To get cable TV 

and watch it every night 



There you sit 

a lump in your chair 

Where do you sleep 

and what do you wear 

when you're sleeping 



What do you want from life 

An Indian guru 

to show you the inner light 

What do you want from life 

a meaningless love affair 

with a girl that you met tonight 



How can you tell when you're doin' alright 

Does your bank account swell 

While you're dreaming at night 

How do know when you're really in love 

Do violins play when you're touching the one 

That you're loving 



What do you want from life 

Someone to love 

and somebody that you can trust 

What do you want from life 

To try and be happy 

while you do the nasty things 

you must 



Well, you can't have that, but if you're an American citizen you are entitled to: 

a heated kidney shaped pool, 

a microwave oven--don't watch the food cook, 

a Dyna-Gym--I'll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home, 

a kingsize Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum, 

a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi, 

real simulated Indian jewelry, 

a Gucci shoetree, 

a year's supply of antibiotics, 

a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth 

and Bob Dylan's new unlisted phone number, 

a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick, 

Rosemary's baby, 

a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams, 

a new Matador, 

a new mastadon, 

a Maverick, 

a Mustang, 

a Montego, 

a Merc Montclair, 

a Mark IV, 

a meteor, 

a Mercedes, 

an MG, 

or a Malibu, 

a Mort Moriarty, 

a Maserati, 

a Mac truck, 

a Mazda, 

a new Monza, 

or a moped, 

a Winnebago--Hell, a herd of Winnebago's we're giving 'em away, 

or how about a McCulloch chainsaw, 

a Las Vegas wedding, 

a Mexican divorce, 

a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot, 

or a baby's arm holding an apple?