I'll join the army, the Salvation Army
but it didn't help

don't ask me why, but don't ask me why
I joined the army, but it drove me barmy
and it didn't help

hideous towns made me throw up

don't ask me why, don't ask me why
I went into service with the Civil Service
but it didn't help

don't ask me why, [yet] don't ask me why
I went into service but it made me nervous
and it didn't help

ooh, hideous towns made me throw up

and sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will just finish me off
you're near enough

[oh-ho], my [hopeless/helpless] youth [it's/just] so [unclean/uncouth]
[as that oh], I'd, I'd like to be in history
I said [I'll get] my, that [hopeless/helpless] youth just so [unclean/uncouth]
so there you go, and now you know
but just please don't

don't ask me why, don't ask me why
I went to the circus, Piccadilly Circus
it was very strange

don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know why
never one to roam, we took the first bus home
and I haven't changed

ooh, hideous towns made me throw up

and I know sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will just finish me off
you're near enough

yes they do
said oh, my [hopeless/helpless] youth [they're/it's] so [unclean/uncouth]
said oh, and I'd, I'd like to be in history
said [I'll get] my
that [hopeless/helpless] youth [is/was] just so [unclean/uncouth]
so there you go, and now you know
but just please don't

please, please, please, said [I'll get] my
that [hopeless/helpless] youth just so [then/down]
[oh-ho], [you know/yeah my] [hopeless/helpless] youth
it's really very young
[just/she's] really very young