I dream that one day i'll have a child

And that child will say to me "dad, what was war?"

But it's not going to happen



It's a war of the sexes never get it blud

I beg that you learn 'cause she's clever

How attracted to you she is is partly your gab

But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have



Oi the reason girls flirt is to work out their worth

Whereas men just hanker for the panky to happen

Retain this fact i'm hammering, this fact is gonna matter

What little you think you're letting by her sly

She senses you're near her and smells your desire

The general rule of mine, her intellect will be higher

Your task is to make her notice you fast but hanker when you don't close in after

She knows she can get most dudes but she mustn't know about you

If you screw this all up and then lose all your cool thats when she ends up liking you as a friend

You're not playing at hard to get

You're playing at not getting a hard-on yet



It's a war of the sexes never get it blud

I beg that you learn 'cause she's clever

How attracted to you she is is partly your gab

But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have



And you wanna know what, listen..



The answer is to get close enough to her but listen the next thing you just totally blank her

You think i'm fucking mad don't ya but i don't shag on my own

Get somewhere close to the lamb but then glance and turn to the man

You need to get near to the lamb but she doesn't want to feel cramped

Instead of cowering up to the hostile lamb bowl up to the trusting man

It's much easier talking to him, he doesn't suspect you want anything



Just tell him something like

Did you know cigarette lighters were invented before matches?

It's abc making a he break with glee

'Cos he isn't suspicious you're trying to muscle into his misses

Do you know what i'm talking about that's why i'm talking about



It's a war of the sexes never get it blud

I beg that you learn 'cause she's clever

How attracted to you she is is partly your gab

But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have



The woman is a highly socially-practised

Master in body language, dab-handed actress

She's calculating all the mad facts and the figures

While you're pretending to listen staring at her tits



It's a war of the sexes never get it blud

I beg that you learn 'cause she's clever

How attracted to you she is is partly your gab

But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have



It's a war of the sexes never get it blud

I beg that you learn 'cause she's clever

How attracted to you she is is partly your gab

But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have



Elementary, my dear cousin, elementary

I cannot state this enough

She must not clock your flop

You can't placard your march

Your threws seclude your moves

Or you're colluding well weapon



It's a war of the sexes never get it blud

I beg that you learn 'cause she's clever

How attracted to you she is is partly your gab

But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have



And remember not to get hammered either

'Cause people who get hammered don't get to nail