Brighten up you home, it said in the advert

All your decorating done by an expert

How the hell was I to know he's such a dirty sod

I wanted subtle shades, maybe something black

There's paint on the chairs & the dogs a different colour

I'm the only bloke I know that does have a day-glo scullery...



[Chorus:]

Dez the demon...never coming back, he's never coming back ooeee

Dez the demon...never get a cheque, he'll never get a cheque from me

Dez the demon decorator



He split a tin o'gloss coz he's a clumsy swine

"I'll paint the carpet pink, I've got no turpentine"

Pink footprints everywhere reminding me

The neighbours came for tea & they began to frown

The wallpaper was cock-eyed, flowers upside down

What the flippen 'ecks that decorating clown done now...

[Chorus.... Guitar Bit]



Dez the demons deed is done, my house is an eye-sore

Bumps & Lumps in the wallpaper, paint splashed on the floor

I won't be calling Dez the demon, won't be calling Dez the demon

I won't be calling Dez the demon decorator anymore...

[Chorus]