How do you do
 I see you?ve met my faithful handyman
 He?s a little brought down
 Because when you knocked
 He thought you were the handyman
 Didn?t you freaky
 Don?t get strung out by the way I look
 Don?t judge a book by it?s cover
 I?m not much of a man
 By the light of day
 But by night I?m one hell of a lover

 I?m just a sweet transvestite
 From transsexual transylvania

 Let me show you around
 Maybe play you a sound
 You look like you?re both pretty groovie
 Or if you like something visual
 That?s not too abysmal
 We could take you in an old Steve Reeves movie

 (Brad)
 I?m glad we caught you at home
 Ah - could we use your phone
 We?re both in a bit of a hurry
 We?ll just say where we are
 Then go back to the car
 We don?t want to be any worry

 (Frank)
 You got caught with a flat
 Well how about that
 Well babies don?t you panic
 By the light of the night
 It?ll all seem alright
 I?ll get you a satanic mechanic
 I?m just a sweet transvestite
 From transsexual transylvania

 Why don?tcha stay for the night - night
 Or maybe a bite - bite
 I could show you my favorite obsession
 I?ve been making a man
 With blond hair and a tan
 And he?s good for reliving my tension
 I?m just a sweet transvestite
 From transsexual transylvania
 I?m just a sweet transvestite
 From transsexual transylvania

 So come up to the lab
 And see what?s on the slab
 I see you shiver with anticipation
 But maybe the rain Is really to blame
 So I?ll remove the cause
 But not the symtom