Last night at the pub I met my cousin Rory
It was a good day for me so I drank the pints away
And when I arrived home, my babe she was a waiting
I couldn't understand it why she smacked me in the face

Well nine the next morning she sent me to the job center
They asked me what I do, I said I didn't have a trade
They said come back tomorrow, I said no problem officer
So I went back to the pub and I put the pints away

Get up out of bed you drunken' lazy bastard
You drink all night and you sleep all day
Get up out of bed you drunken' lazy bastard
If you don't get off your arse, then I'll be on my way

When I arrived home, my babe already left me
She saw me in the boozer in the middle of the day
Well I guess that's the end of our twenty year marriage
So I went back to the pub and I put the pints away

Last night at the pub I saw my cousin Rory
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw who he had at bay
The bastard had my wife that's not the end of the story
The dirty drunken bastard drinks twice as much as me!

Get up out of bed you drunken' lazy bastard
You drink all night and you sleep all day
Get up out of bed you drunken' lazy bastard
If you don't get off your arse, then I'll be on my way