It were half a crown then fer buy me beer,
But they closed it down fer redecorate,
They said we'll knock a wall down,
Change bar round,
Paint door brown,
It's going to look great.

When I walked into it I couldn't believe me eyes,
Every cunt had a shirt and tie,
Mirrored walls and daft plastic trees,
It were a fun pub disco,
Wine bar bistro,
Gay club puff house,
Cocktail carvary.

So I walked to the bar fer to get me ale,
She said Tetly Bitter's not for sale,
They had fizzy lager with a German name,
I said you've got to be joking,
I started choking, me voice were croaking,
I turned round.

Then a penguin grabbed me fer to throw me out,
He said you've got to dress like a twat end to get in now,
But I've been served in here for twenty years,
Now it's a fun pub disco,
Wine bar bistro,
Gay club puff house,
Cocktail...
Oh what the fuck fuck fuck have they done to me pub,
What the fuck fuck fuck have they done to me pub,
What the fuck fuck fuck have they done to me pub,
Now it's a fun pub disco,
Wine bar bistro,
Gay club puff house,
Cocktail carvery