Well it's Christmas in Lancashire
And snow is on the ground
But I'm not feeling festive
Coz, we wireless networks gone down
I can t even listen to Cliff Richard or Slade
Coz the barry in'th'iPod has seen better days...

It's Christmas again
Digibox is up spout
I had fifty channels
But now I've got nowt
No ITV 4 or Price-Drop TV
It's reruns of Sinbad and Queen's speech for thee

I can't even BitTorrent Morecambe & Wise
Coz me 8 meg broadbands bust, I'm cut down to size
No credit on't mobile so I can't send a text
This technology at Christmas oh it does get me vexed
I got some mince pies and left Santa a drink
But I couldn't make egg nog coz blenders on't blink
I got my friends round for Christmas but then asked

Them to leave
Coz I'm reformatting th'hard drive
On Christmas Eve...

It's Christmas again
Digibox is up spout
I had fifty channels
But now I've got nowt
No ITV 4 or Price-Drop TV
It's reruns of Sinbad and Queen's speech for thee

Well I jumped in me car
Got to visit the folk
Got Sat Nav for Christmas
Coz me sense of direction's a joke
I entered th'addresses, the screen I did touch
But I got bloomin lost
Coz the woman spoke Dutch!

It's Christmas again
Digibox is up spout
I had fifty channels
But now I've got nowt
No ITV 4 or Price-Drop TV
It's reruns of Sinbad and Queen's speech for thee