Dead, alive

Sleep walking through these last few weeks

And still you persist to

Suffocate every last breath of life from my lungs



[Spoken:]

As I sit now outside my laboratory door, writing,

Under the heading of Experiment 87, this final entry in my casebook.

I know that these are the last words

That I shall ever write upon this earth.

I neither ask nor expect forgiveness, now or hereafter,

But for those who seek some explanation

I refer them simply to this casebook. Let them read it carefully,

From its first entry on that ill-starred day of July the 13th.

Today I bought a small capuchin monkey from an organ grinder.

The animal trembled with fear.

When I took it to the laboratory and tried to pet it, it bit me.

It must be completely fear-conscious,

and a secretion of adrenaline, upon formal conditioning,

confirmed my observation.

So I fed it carefully and finally the creature voluntarily

hooked onto my arm, where it hung contentedly

From there it headed onto my shoulder, when I tried to give a surgical lesson.

And I am weak



Now, my last thought was of you screaming my name

The anger in your voice as I collapse in pain

Don't hold your breath for me, because I will let you down

Now as I'm losing my voice, never found



And if you get there don't even bother calling

Cuz by the time you read this...



Instill in my your dignity with pride

You waste another life of possibility

Run the clock down now

because I live in the corner you've backed me into



And if you get there don't even bother calling

Cuz by the time you read this I'll be gone



And when I said I loved you I swear to god I lied

Die motherf**ker, you and your reasons why

Forget the rotten anger

And all the words, you lie!

Am I tearing apart your life, cuz you're tearing apart mine!



So you've walked me through these last few weeks

I've gone so far

Now, as if you suffocate the last breath of life from my lungs

Dead, alive

I never bought your lie

Giving all your anger

Now you won't see what I have made for you



Inside I gave you everything

Rely on my until I shatter

Instill in me the peace you found

And so I'm never coming back until you're gone

I can't save you, I can't save you

But I want to be hopeful

I don't know you, I don't know you

But I can never find the words to give it all

Never promise you nothing

Never come and dance to the beat again

Never, this is all I had to say

And this is all that changes how

I know and say