I'm here on a mission to tell you exactly what can go wrong if you're not careful. you seeit's like this: you're running down the staircase at random. you take one stepyou take two stepsyo

E seven steps10 stepstwo steps15 steps19 steps...you're lying in a heap at the bottom of the staircase--bloodbonespowderthat sort of thing--and you're wonderinghow did I get here

Then you look up and you see...it's a man in a cowlit's a man in a cowlhe opens his face to you--it's jimmy tarbuck*. he is saying"kiss the ring! kiss the ring!"and he says&

Yesthere is a santa clausand anybody who blasphemes against santa or any of his helpers shall die." what do you do? what do you do? 



You whimper thanks to the heavenly sky

Its grey is getting lighter

No peace of mind or sleep for you

You haven't earned it yet

And you won't by duskI bet

Until you learn what futures you've destroyed

We musn't see you sulk or get annoyed...no



On the day I lost everything they couldn't help enough

They shot my veins full of gelatine

I said"thank you very muchyou're too kind!"



While they lived in luxury

I made do with moneysweet money

And now I'm going to measure the rain

And you can sit and watch me--look! look!

Don't even think about not answering your phone

It might be me and I know you're always home



On the day I lost everything they couldn't help enough

They stopped my clock and they folded my wings

I said"thank you very much for everything!"

It means"i'm gonna destroy you with my slings and my bullets!"



On the day I lost everything the sky was purest white

And the clocks had stopped so I started to sing

"the magpie sleeps tonight"



On the day I lost everything



* a veteran liverpool comediantalk show and game show hostand a golfing enthusiast as well.