(Heaton/Rotheray)

They say always use a condom, I say always use a whip 

They say be careful where you come at night, I just shoot straight from the hip 

When it comes to loves great fountain, I won't just take a sip 

I'll swallow and I'll gulp until the fountain makes me sick 



So it's me left with the baby and disease 

You can't say you didn't want it on your hands and on your knees 

You made me feel so special 

Well you were especially good 

I'm sorry that you misunderstood 



These neatly folded corduroys hide rubber underneath 

But the only rubber you have worn is that useless rubber sheath 

I won't have what I've got for you stolen by no thief 

'Cause the safest sex I've ever had was hanging from a tree 



So you've left me for another pretty face 

That's not true I left you for one half the human race 

Now I'm by myself 

A woman who knows her place 

It's not so much the chase, it's the race 



They say treat her like a lady and she'll treat you like her jewels 

They say cruel to be kind, I just say cruel to be cruel 

They say only marry once, I say only marry fools 

They wouldn't have made the cane if you weren't meant to break the rules 



Have you told them that you'll hurt them then be gone? 

I've told them that I'll hurt them if that really turns them on 

You left a bitter scar 

I tied those ropes too tight! 

I'll tie them loose for you tonight 



When I said that I loved you 

I meant mini-correct 

When I said I'd never leave you 

I meant mini-correct 

A ring around your finger, a chain around your neck 

That was major correct