Do I see a frown, boy?
Are you feeling down, boy?
I know of a place you, 
Can go if you feel blue.
The staff are there to please you,
To titillate and tease you,
There's a lass called Mona,
She'll give you a boner.

Just around the corner,
There's a neon sign.
Topless bar girls every Tuesday, 6pm till 9

At the titty bar,
The titty bar,
There's dancers on the poles,
At the titty bar,
The titty bar,
There are sluts and moles,
At the tittybar, it isn't far,
You don't even need your car,
That's cause it's your local titty bar.

Where everybody knows your name.
And if they don't then you don't care.
And they're always glad you came.
And if you don't then they don't care.

The bouncers have no necks, boy.
Put away that sex toy
You will get us kicked out,
If you keep your dick out.

Oi hey you no touching,
I thought I said no touching,
No seriously no touching,
Get your damn hands off me.

In a dark back alley, we lay bashed and bruised.
Not since Friends season 7, habe we felt so abused.

At the titty bar,
The titty bar,
I am filled with grief.
At the titty bar,
The titty bar,
No more hand relief.

At the titty bar, I have have a scar.
I can't open this cookie jar.

We have to find another,
So I will call your mother
Cause she works at another titty bar...