Toby (Edward 'Ed' Sanders)

Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp) 

Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter)









Toby: 		Ladies and gentlemen 

		May I have your attention puh-lease? 

		Do you wake ev'ry morning in shame and despair 

		To discover your pillow is covered with hair

		What ought not to be there 

	

		Well ladies and gentlemen

		From now on you can waken at ease 

		You need never again have a worry or care 

		I will show you a miracle marvelous rare



		Gentlemen, you are about to see 

                                Something what rose from the dead--

		On the top of my head! 



		T'was Pirelli's Miracle Elixir 

		That's what did the trick, sir 

		True, sir, true 



		Was it quick, sir? 

		Did it in a tick, sir! 

		Just like an elixir

		Ought to do 



		How about a bottle, mister? 

		Only costs a penny, guaranteed 



		Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir? 

		You can have my oath, sir 

		'Tis unique 



		Rub a minute-- 

		Stimulatin' innit? 

		Soon you'll have to thin it once a week! 



Sweeney Todd: 	Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench? 



Mrs. Lovett: 	Are we standing near an open trench? 

		Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench? 



Sweeney Todd: 	Must be standing near an open trench 



Toby: 		Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir 

		Anything what's slick, sir 

		Soon sprouts curls

		Try Pirelli's! 

		When they see the thick, sir 

		You can have your pick, sir 

		Of the girls! 



		Wanna buy a bottle, mister? 



Sweeney Todd: 	What is this? 



Mrs. Lovett: 	What is this? 



Sweeney Todd: 	Smells like piss 



Mrs. Lovett: 	Smells like-- phew! 



Sweeney Todd: 	Looks like piss 



Mrs. Lovett: 	Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear 



Sweeney Todd: 	This is piss… 

		Piss with ink 



Toby: 		Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir 



Sweeney Todd: 	Keep it off your boots, sir-- 

		Eats right through



Toby: 		Yes, get Pirelli's! 

		Use a bottle of it 

		Ladies seem to love it! 



Mrs. Lovett: 	Flies do too!