Look mate I aint the fighting type
But I've had nine Stella's so I'm likely to strike
So please walk away before it gets too messy
And we end up in a cell or a cracked jaw on our settee

Artois why do you have to do that
The second you're consumed I'm a loon and I knew that
Artois how do u get me in that mode
I could have left trouble alone if I was sipping on a krone
Artois why do u have to be the cheapest
And surely that should mean that you should be the weakest
Artois
Artois, Artois, Artois

My plan was to get myself a class tart
Instead I'm down A and E due too Artois
Haha I've only got myself to blame
But it's two pound for a Stella and that's all I had in change
So it only costs a tenna for a night on the Stella's with the fella's
But it means one of us will get leathered
Or nicked, shift passed out in our piss
But fuck it we love it "here mate lend us a quid?"

Artois why do you have to do that
The second you're consumed I'm a loon and I knew that
Artois why do u have to be the cheapest
And surely that should mean that you should be the weakest
Artois why do you have to do that
The second you're consumed I'm a loon and I knew that
Artois why do u have to be the cheapest
And surely that should mean that you should be the weakest
Artois

What the fuck are you looking at?
Come here go on!

Eight pints now I'm ready for a hard spar
And I swear I'm getting a funny look of that fella in the carhartt
Oi! Oi! don't make me take this to the car park
I'll beat you to a pulp then open you up like a mars bar
So think on I only came here for a sing song
But my mood shifted now my fifteenth drinks gone
So fuck it! Let's ruck it!
COME ON THEN! "Oi here mate pass me a bucket
Where the fuck am I?"

I didn't mean to get so pissed and feel a need to swing my fists
But I was stelled up I was stelled up
I really didn't mean to punch that bouncer in the mouth
But I was stelled up I was stelled up
I never planned this to happen, leaving town in a wagon
But I was stelled up I was stelled up
I never meant to tell that fed I'd wrap a bottle around his head
But I was stelled up I was stelled up

Artoi why do you have to do that
Because of you I've only got four knuckles left and a bruised back
Artoi why do u have to be the cheapest
And surely that should mean that you should be the weakest
Artois why do you have to do that
The second you're consumed I'm a loon and I knew that
Artois why do u have to be the cheapest
And surely that should mean that you should be the weakest
Artois