First you make a stone of your heart
 And if you find that your hands are still willing
 Then you can turn a murder into art

 There really isn't any need for bloodshed
 You just do it with a little more finesse
 If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee
 Then it avoids an awful lot of mess

 It's murder by numbers  one  two  three
 It's as easy to learn as your ABC
 Murder by numbers, one, two, three
 It's as easy to learn as your ABC

 Now if you have a taste for this experience
 And you're flushed with your very first success
 Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
 And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less

 Because murder is like anything you take to
 It's a habit-forming need for more and more
 You can bump off every member of your family
 And anybody else you find a bore

 Because it's murder by numbers, one, two, three
 It's as easy to learn as your ABC
 Murder by numbers, one, two, three
 It's as easy to learn as your ABC

 Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious
 In history's great dark hall of fame
 All our greatest killers were industrious
 At least the ones that we all know by name

 But you can reach the top of your profession
 If you become the leader of the land
 For murder is the sport of the elected
 And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand

 Because it's murder by numbers, one, two, three
 It's as easy to learn as your ABC
 Murder by numbers, one, two, three
 It's as easy to learn as your A, B, C, D, E