Me not got no slow metabolism
Every wednesday night I go to catacism
They give me lots of doughnuts
I get yelled at by the grown-ups
Me not got no slow metabolism

Me not got no slow metabolism
Yet I'm suffering from some sort of mental schism
I eat twenty lobster tails
And yet I'm skinny as a rail
Me not got no slow metabolism

Me not got no slow metabolism
Yet I'm doing twenty years here in this prison
I stole a lot of food
And then they told me I was rude
Me not got no slow metabolism

Me not got no slow metabolism
Every wednesday night I go to catacism
I eat a lot of jell-o
Yet I'm still a skinny fellow
Me not got no slow metabolism

Me not got no slow metabolism
Yet I'm suffering from some sort of mental schism
I eat a ton of pasta
He my pappa, he says, "basta!"
Me not got no slow metabolism
Oy vey!