I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders

From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru

But there's no place like London!



TODD:

No there's no place like London



You are young

Life has been kind to you

You will learn



There's a hole in the world like a great black pit

And the vermin of the world inhabit it

And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit

And it goes by the name of London



At the top of the hole sit a privileged few

Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo

Turning beauty into filth and greed

I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders

For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru

But there's no place like London



There was a barber and his wife

And she was beautiful

A foolish barber and his wife

She was his reason and his life

And she was beautiful

And she was virtuous 

And he was…naïve



There was another man who saw

That she was beautiful

A biased vulture of the law

And with a gesture of his claw

Removed the barber from his plate

Then there was nothing but to wait

And she would fall

So soft, so young, so lost

And oh so beautiful



Oh, that was many years ago…

I doubt if anyone would know



There's a hole in the world like a great black pit

And it's filled with people who are filled with shit

And the vermin of the world inhabit it