Seems a downright shame…



TODD (spoken):

Shame?



MS. LOVETT:

Seems an awful waste…

Such a nice plump frame

Wots his name has

Had…has…

Nor he can't be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift, as a gift

If you get my drift

Seems and awful waste



I mean...with the price of meat wot it is

When you get it, if you get it



TODD:

Ah…



MS. LOVETT:

Good you got it

Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better using only pussy cats and toast

Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste



(simultaneously)



TODD:

Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion

Eminently practical



MS. LOVETT:

Well it does seem a waste!



TODD:

And yet appropriate as always

Ms. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years

I'll never know! 

How delectable! 

Also undetectable!



MS. LOVETT:

Think about it

Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming in for a shave

Won't they?

Think of

All them

Pies!



TODD:

How choice!

How rare!



For what's the sound of the world out there?



MS. LOVETT:

What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd

What is that sound?



TODD:

Those crunching noises pervading the air!



MS. LOVETT:

Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd

Yes all around



TODD:

It's man devouring man, my dear!



BOTH:

Then who are we to deny it in here?



TODD (spoken):

These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett

And desperate measures are called for



MS. LOVETT:

Here we are. Hot out of the oven 



TODD:

What is that?



MS. LOVETT:

Its priest

Have a little priest



TODD:

Is it really good?



MS. LOVETT:

Sir, it's too good, at least

Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh

So it's pretty fresh



TODD:

Awful lot of fat



MS. LOVETT:

Only where it sat



TODD:

Haven't you got poet or something like that?



MS. LOVETT:

No you see the trouble with poet

Is how do you know it's deceased?

Try the priest!



Lawyer's rather nice



TODD:

If it's for a price



MS. LOVETT:

Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow it twice



TODD:

Anything that's lean?



MS. LOVETT:

Well then if you're British and loyal

You might enjoy royal marine

Anyway it's clean

Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been!



TODD:

Is that squire on the fire?



MS. LOVETT:

Mercy no, sir, look closer

You'll notice its grocer!



TODD:

Looks thicker, more like vicar



MS. LOVETT:

No, it has to be grocer

It's green!



TODD:

The history of the world, my love



MS. LOVETT:

Save a lot of graves

Do a lot of relatives favors



TODD:

Is those below serving those up above!



MS. LOVETT:

Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors



TODD:

How gratifying for once to know



BOTH:

That those above will serve those down below



TODD (spoken):

What is that?



MS. LOVETT:

It's fop

Finest in the shop

Or we have some shepherds pie peppered

With actual shepherd on top!

And I've just begun

Is the politician so oily it's served with a doily?

Have one!



TODD:

Put it on a bun

Well you never know if it's going to run!



MS. LOVETT:

Try the friar!

Fried, it's drier!



TODD:

No! 

The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy!



MS. LOVETT:

Then actor!

It's compacter! 



TODD:

Ah, but always arrives overdone

(spoken) I'll come again when you have judge on the menu



Have charity towards the world, my pet!



MS. LOVETT:

Yes, yes, I know, my love



TODD:

We'll take the customers that we can get!



MS. LOVETT:

High-born and low, my love!



TODD:

We'll not discriminate great from small

No, we'll serve anyone



(simultaneously)



MS. LOVETT:

We'll serve anyone!



TODD:

Meaning anyone!



BOTH:

And to anyone

At all!