Baby - Stephen Lynch

This is for my little girl 

My lady gives birth today 

I run to her room right away 

She smiles with glee and hands her to me 

I look at my newborn and say 



Damn that's an ugly baby 

Damn that's an ugly ass baby 

I'm feeling quite concerned 

My semen must have turned 

'Cause damn that's an ugly baby 



I can't believe this came from me 

I think her mom did too much LSD 

she's skinny like a twig 

at least her nuts are big 

but the placenta is cuter than she 



Damn that's an ugly baby 

God damn that's an ugly ass baby 

I can't take her home today 

She'll scare the dog away 

'cause damn that's an ugly baby 



And when she smiles I find 

Shane McGowen comes to mind 

It makes me want to cry 

When I look into her good eye 

I always wanted kids 

Is it wrong to hope for SIDS? 

Then the doctor calls me in 

Mr. Lynch she has a twin 



Damn that's a good-lookin' baby 

One for two on the good lookin' babies 

I almost start to weep 

Now this one we can keep 

cause that was an ugly ass baby 



Damn that's an ugly baby (x4) 

She's got one good tooth and one ear and one eye 

And thank god just one nose but it's on her left thigh 

Now doctor I am asking you guy to guy 

Would a really really really late term abortion apply 

Oh no, I don't want no ugly baby 

I said damn that's an ugly ass baby