Kyle:
It`s hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends wont let me join in any games
And I can`t sing Christmas songs
Or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph
`Cause there`s something wrong with me
My people don`t believe in Jesus Christ`s divinity 

I`m a Jew
A lonely Jew
On Christmas 

Hanukkah is nice but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year? 

And instead of eating ham I have to eat kosher latkes
Instead of Silent Night I`m singing Hoo Hact Toh Gaveesh
And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles please? 

I`m a Jew
A lonely Jew
I can`t be merry
`Cause I`m Hebrew
On Christmas 

Celebrity Guest:
Hey little boy I couldn`t help but hear
Your feeling left out of Christmas cheer
And I`ve come to say that you shouldn`t be sad
This is the one month that you should be glad 

Cause its nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don`t have to deal with the season at all
You don`t have to be on your best behavior or give to charity
You don`t have to have to go to grandma`s house with your alcoholic family 

Kyle:
And I don`t have to sit on some fake Santa`s lap
And have him breath is stinky breath on me 

Celebrity Guest:
That`s right, your a Jew! 

Kyle:
A styling Jew! 

Together:
Its a good time to be Hebrew
On Christmas 

Celebrity Guest:
On Christmas