[dialogue]

Music industry man: What kind of song do you want?

Jennifer Lopez: Something hot and spicy! 

[melody comes on]

Jennifer Lopez: Spicier.

[melody changes]

Jennifer Lopez: Spicier!

[spicy melody comes on]



[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]

Burrito. Taco taco. Burrito. Taco. Taco taco.

Don't think just because I got a lot of money,

I'll give you taco-flavored kisses, honey.

Fulfill all your wishes 

with my taco-flavored kisses.



Taco taco. Burrito burrito. Taco taco.

Fulfill all your wishes

with my taco-flavored kisses! Taco taco.



[dialogue]

Music industry dude: She's fantastic! Who is she?

Different music man: Believe it or not, her name is Jennifer Lopez!

First guy: That makes sense, she reminds me of J-Lo.

2nd guy: Yeah, but she's younger and spicier!

Jennifer Lopez (singing): Taco taco. Burrito burrito. Taco taco.

2nd guy: I don't think J-Lo would like it very much if we signed this new girl.

1st guy: No, you're right. We're gonna have to fire J-Lo.

[melody changes]

Different guy: All right, Ms. Lopez, let's take it from the top.



[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]

Baby, let's make a run for the border,

I've got a hunger only tacos can stop.

I know exactly what I'll order

three tacos, two tostadas, and a soda pop.



[Music industry dude]

Gentlemen, we have ourselves a hit.



[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]

I need to make a run for the border.

If you pay, I'll take off my top.

Do you remember what I want to order?

Three tacos, two tostadas, and a soda pop.



Yea-ah, and don't forget the hot sauce, chulo.



[dialogue]

Sexy automobile: *car driving noises*

Jennifer Lopez: Oh, Ben, I am so happy. The cool breeze blowing through my hair in your sexy automobile.

Ben Affleck: Let's spend the whole day together!

[romantic music comes on]



[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman's left hand)]

Oh, Ben, you are so perfect. 

So spectacularrr in every way.

You bring light into my life, Ben.

You almost make me forget all about...tacoos!

Ooh, tacos so good in my tummy yummy yummy give me more.

(camera noises in background)

I love you, Ben, you almost make me forget about.....tacoooos.



[dialogue]

Sexy automobile: *car driving noises*

Ben Affleck: Jenny, I have to tell you something. I...I think I love you.

Jennifer Lopez: Oh, I love you too, Ben! But...

Ben Affleck: But what?

Jennifer Lopez: But what if you still have feelings for the slut with the large (BUTT)?

Sexy automobile: *car stopping noises*

Ben Affleck: I still care for her, you have so much more going on...up here.

Jennifer Lopez: Oh, Ben. Ben...

Ben Affleck: Jenny, can I kiss you?

Eric Cartman: NO!!

Jennifer Lopez: Yes, oh yes, Ben, kiss me!

Eric Cartman: Aw, (BOB) (DARN) it!

*Jen and Ben make out*

Eric Cartman: Aw, aw, dude!

Ben Affleck: Mmm, just like tacos.

Jennifer Lopez: Taco-flavored kisses for my Ben.

Ben Affleck: You're so hot, baby.

Jennifer Lopez: I make you hot, Ben?

Ben Affleck: Mm, yeah.

*making out continues*

Ben Affleck: Oh, Jenny. Oh, Jenny!

*pants unzip, noises occur*

Jennifer Lopez: Yes...

Ben Affleck: Oh, (BOB), Jenny!

Jennifer Lopez: Oh, Ben, my darling!

Ben Affleck: Oh! Oh! (continues)

Eric Cartman: Oh, sick! Aw, that's it, we're leaving now!

Ben Affleck: But I love her!

Jennifer Lopez: Ben!

Ben Affleck: Jenny! Jenny, I'll call you!

Jennifer Lopez: I love you, Ben!

[music comes on]



[Jennifer Lopez (aka Eric Cartman)]

Ooh, baby, baby, can I have your tacos?

Those tacos sure look good!

I'm just Jenny from the hood!

Ooh, can I have your tacos?

Ooh, I--

Oh, stop, stop!

(music stops)

What the (HECK) is wrong with you!?

You chulos can't even keep a beat!

I deserve better than this! 

I am Hennifer Hlopez!

Where's my water?

Not Evian, Pellegrino you stupid (WITCH)!!

(music industry man whimpers)