Performed By Eric Cartman 

Stockings are hung on the chimney,
And the presents are under the tree
And mama`s in the kitchen
Making some herbal tea 

Windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight
But as I wander through this quiet house
Something just doesn`t seem right. 

You see, every year, the neighbors bring us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log
But the neighbors aren`t around around, around
There`s no Beef Log to be found this year 

Christmas isn`t Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don`t think I can get along 

Mother tries to comfort me
She says "Here, Son, have some eggnog"
I fucking hate eggnog, seriously 

But what do I see
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log just for me
Ah, ah, ah, Baby 

Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby
That`s what Christmas is all about
My prayer has finally come in a Beef Log baby
Makes a little boy scream and shout 

Deck the halls with boughs of Swiss Colony
Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la
Sweet