Mr. Garrison:
I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs 

They believe in Muhammad and not in our holiday
And so every December, I go to the Middle East and say 

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes 

In case you haven`t noticed
It`s Jesus`s birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
And fucking celebrate 

There is no holiday season in India I`ve heard
They don`t hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd 

They`ve never read a Christmas story
They don`t know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I`ll go to India and shout 

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus 

In case you haven`t noticed
It`s Jesus`s birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
And fucking celebrate 

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin 

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say 

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum 

In case you haven`t noticed
There`s festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you 

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too
Merry Fucking Christmas, to you 

Thank you Mr. hat