My phone rang, I converse with the busy signal

Why can't they let me die in pieces?

I don't want any more food or condolences, let my people go

Burn off this useless flesh and make meals of my pestilence

Lessons are my tournaquets

maybe I've seen too much and not had enough

Either way, this is my last entry forever

Please don't let my children read this



I was meditating when I wrote this

the first time by interrupted by my screaming walls

Hard to concentrate in my 7 x 12 cell

Everyone watching my every move

Even with these shrouds, I feel naked

The windows talk to me and tell me that I ought to leave

Only one way out the door, it's too risky

Someone might not see me, be careful



We used to paint, the canvas made me feel alive

Oh how they marveled at the spectacle I made of myself

I made it for them, but it was really communication to conjure up through

Forever immortalized, carbon dioxide chokes me

and I fear no man but my shadow

There are a lot of things I've learned not to say outloud

If my parents were still alive, they'd still be proud



Sometimes I imagine myself as a loss

The leftover remains of a cast-away god

If I'm homeless, there's no Earth

Someday I'll be famous, and you can put that on my birth

My word is worth the demons that raped my being childhood, didn't happen

I was made as this, my walking prison

Guarded by my life on a limb, mood swings

Enjoying my whim, take it for what it seems and much more

Must find maker, how am I? and who did I?

And how did I wake up on this bench covered in mud?



Taking a shower won't aleve my stress

I can't even lift my brush to paint my long-awaited good-bye

Yet I'm feeling optimistic, relatively

this is my testimony and it tests the past miserably

Why do I keep dying in public places?

The medication should take two hours to take affect

But last time, I was killed eating my last meal

It's embarassing and I die inside



This is my favorite rock

I come here to think about all the things that make me

This is my favorite poem

I wrote this before I died last time

These are my favorite friends

they don't talk much and probably aren't even listening

This is my favorite place

so I hope that I don't last here too long



The other night, I was doing my everyday things

trying to find a girl to take to my apartment

She's beautiful and clearly cares for me

She likes my work, and wants to understand what fuels my art

We lay side-by-side

happy knowing that there was only thirty minutes left of this to endure

She spoke typical things and gave of herself freely

I started freaking out as I convulsed during oral sex

Concerned for me, she held me

and I laugh at those tears, for a while



The next day, I was still dead and she had joined me

How honest I recall of how she gave of herself freely

As I drank my orange juice, I began to study all of her beauty

We danced and made love for hours

Talked about important things and how our children would grow up and die also

And how futile it was until we finally fell in love

I'll never be alone again and she will never leave me



I've forgotten why I write these things down

Even as I write this

I'm realizing how useless it is to put ideas to words

water to wine, stupidity and valor

The streetlights I pray to and the gutters I fish in

My wife is no longer good at sex, her body doesn't speak to me

and I'm getting sick of her attitude

There's other fish in the sea

and I haven't stopped breathing for three days

I hope everything is alright

___

Today I downed 90 miligrams

After 20 i could feel the head rush

I raced to my gallery roof

Gazing at the beauty that we always take for granted

Its my opening night

Spinning 

Everyone will be there

Whos anyone to bear witness to my newest latest and greatest work

I'm a comet human cannibal swan dive never has the air been so clean

I inhale and exhale to become one my ends on the sidewalk

A vivid display of a 170 pounds of blood sweat and tears

Critique away

But my greatest work is in the pavement 

I made it for you



This is my favorite formance 

And i hope nobody ever bites it

This is what i've been working up to all along

Finally alone at last

This is my favorite person and she will always be with me in spirit

These are my favorite words

I hope i don't have anything left to say