There's a character I've met in my travels
And of him in this song I will tell
Just listen and you'll be reminded
Of someone like him you know well
He annoys everyone who is near him, 
Sitting there on his barstool
He's a really nice bloke when he's sober
But a pain in the rear when he's full..

With each drink he gathers more wisdom
While good manners take a back seat
He butts in on your conversation
And bores you until you retreat
Then he starts on the barmaid or barman
With unlimited dull boring junk
He's a man of few words when he's sober
But you can't shut him up when he's drunk.

[Instrumental]

Oh they're personal friends of the famous
The dancers and sportsmen and so
And they tell all the bad things about them
Or the good things you don't want to know
Repeating themselves as they bore you
You're a bloody good lot they insist
They don't know you at all when they're sober
But they're your best friend when they're pissed.

Well I'm using the men for example
But we know lots of women the same
Quite often they're worse than the men are
They'll hug you and call you oh darlin'
You're the only great hero I choose
And they're pretty stand off-ish when sober
But come on like a rash when they're boozed.

[Instrumental]

So with each drink they gather more wisdom
While good manners take a back seat
And they butt in on your conversation
And bore you until you retreat
Then they start on the barmaid or barman
While swaying there on their barstool
Well they're pretty nice folks when they're sober
But a pain in the rear when they're full.

All together. 
Then they start on the barmaid or barman
While swaying there on their barstool
Well they're pretty nice folks when they're sober
But a pain in the rear when they're full

All together. 
And with each drink they gather more wisdom
While good manners take a back seat
And they butt in on your conversation
And bore you until you retreat
Then they start on the barmaid or barman
While swaying there on their barstool
Well they're really nice folks when they're sober
But a pain in the rear when they're full.
dah dah da da dah