Spoken

Children, this is a song about the ugliest girl in the world

She is our Fan Club President in Afghanistan

An' she's kinda ugly, real ugly, now listen closely everybody

An' you can see how beautiful ugliness is



She's got big green eyes all over her face

She's got a-long red ears all over the place

She's got a big fat nose, and I don't know what to do with it, honey

Those teeth hangin' down, they look like money



Spoken

You know, you can tell we love her can't you

Let's have a little harmony from the other voices ...

My baby ... so ugly, you can imagine, her mother didn't like her either

Listen everybody, not everbody can have an ugly girl

Any idiot can have a pretty girl

Let's have some more pretty singin' gentlemen



She's got a-thin legs an' they're, er, also, er, thighs

They're a-walkin' baby all the night

Her feet are large, they're extra size

An' baby, er, they idolise but don't you know I want her so

Oh, I still love that girl ... hit it



Spoken

She's about the ugliest girl, here she comes

Listen to her stamp like a thousand elephants

Like ten million jet planes whenever she talks

She's my special, extra special

Groovy jet-age supersonic monster baby-child

Oh she's so nice

We're leavin' you now

We're gonna fade away

We're gonna fade away ...

Buy our next record, it's even groovier than this one, ha

We're goin' to fade away

Fade away ...