Plastic dolls in plastic bags 

Macho dildos buying shags 

When the coppers they appear 

In the market you can hear 



Tell me Doctor can I buy it 

Tell me Doctor can you supply it 

Spunky cardboard magazines 

You can see it in his jeans 

Is it soft or is it hard 

It's been seen in Scotland Yard 



Tell me Doctor can I buy it 

Tell me Doctor can you supply it 

Tell me are you getting it 

Tell me are you having it 



Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno 

Fruity stories veggie looks 

I thought I'd read it all in books 

Here comes Sally she's a tenner 

Lay some plates and we'll have dinner 



Tell me Doctor can I buy it 

Tell me Doctor can you supply it 

Tell me are you getting it 

Tell me are you having it 

Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno 

Tell me are you getting it 

Tell me are you having it 



Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno 

You want something that will make you horny 

Well have a look at this while I speak to Tony 

I've got what you want but it's in the van 

I know you're a naughty man 



Mandy, Margeret, French and sags 

You don't get this on teletext 

Naked women naked men 

Take one daily and come again 



Tell me Doctor can I buy it 

Tell me Doctor can you supply it 

Tell me are you getting it 

Tell me are you having it 

Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno 



Some come in cos they've been told 

It's all kosher bought and sold 

Yes I think this ones for you 

You don't want one you need two 



Tell me Doctor can I buy it 

Tell me Doctor can you supply it 

Tell me are you getting it 

Tell me are you having it

Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno



You want something that will make you horny 

Well have a look at this while I speak to Tony 

I've got one for you but it's in the van 

I know you're a naughty man