They’re saying Wilma broke a bottle over Betty’s head
It was all Betty could do to jump back into bed
Barney got home and he soon got mad
He took the biggest brick he could and he wiped out Fred
 
Only yourself, you’ve only got yourself to blame
It’s a dirty rotten shame, you gotta change your name
Everybody’s looking for someone to blame
 
Well I heard that L D Nathan had a chat with the cops
Made a noise about me playing at the local bus stop
Three weeks later when the temperature dropped
I drank a gallon full o’ beer and I pissed in his shop
 
Only yourself, etc.
 
Junior had a mishap with his acupuncture set
He’s got a body full of holes, he can’t forgive or forget
Like his friends the hypochondriacs he’s always in debt
Saying, "Life’s just a gamble and I’m too young to bet!"
 
Only yourself, etc.