Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe

He'll slit your throat

And cut off your big toe, I tell you

He'll make you smile

From ear to ear

Gonna lock you in a trunk

For ninety-nine years

Don't do it now

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom



I had a cousin who came from Vermont

Next thing I know, that cousin was gone

Truck driver saw him picking up Hitchhiker Joe

Now his spleen's on the sidewalk helping flowers grow



Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe

He'll slit your throat

And cut off your big toe, I tell you

He'll make you smile

From ear to ear

Gonna lock you in a trunk

For ninety-nine years

Don't do it now

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom



My best friend Eddie called from L.A.

Said we'd have dinner later that day

I've got a feeling, and it's more than a hunch

My poor friend Eddie was that hitchhiker's lunch



Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe

He'll slit your throat

And cut off your big toe, I tell you

He'll make you smile

From ear to ear

Gonna lock you in a trunk

For ninety-nine years

Don't do it now

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom



Hitchhiker Joe ain't no vegetarian

If you see him on the highway

Steer clear of him

He got a knife in his sock

And a razor up his sleeve

And a chainsaw in his pack

And he's gonna make you bleed, yeah, yeah

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom



My girfriend Lois called from Talahassee

She picked up that dude at the Spam factory

That was the last time that I saw her smile

My best advice is don't eat Spam for a while



Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe

He'll slit your throat

And cut off your big toe, I tell you

He'll make you smile

From ear to ear

Gonna lock you in a trunk

For ninety-nine years

Don't do it now

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom, bom, bom, bom



Don't pick up (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

Hitchhiker Joe (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

He'll slit your throat (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

And cut off your big toe

He'll make you smile (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

From ear to ear (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

Gonna lock you in a trunk (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

For ninety-nine years

Don't do it now

Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

He'll slit your throat (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

And cut off your big toe (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

He'll make you smile (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

From ear to ear (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

Gonna lock you in a trunk (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

For ninety-na-na-na-na-na-na-na now (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

Do-ooh-ooh-n't (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

Pick up (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

Hitchhiker (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

He got to cut off your big, your big, your big (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

He'll make you smile (Bom, bom, bom, bom)

From ear to ear (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)

Gonna lock you