I get up and I walk across the room

I get to the door - I've been there before

Wondering what I got up for

When all of a certain I remember

What I was going to say to you

Standing there watching my member

Hanging there squirting the loo

I'm really stoned

I'm really stoned

Permanently out my bone

I'm really stoned

I sit down on the phone I get the urge

To dump yesterday, flush it away

I hope the force is still with me

When sure enough the door flies off it's hinges

And there stands P.C. Bill Identikit

Saying "I've got trouble finding where I'm going

"Coz my backside is very badly lit

"Hello, hello, hello

"My bloody head no longer seems to fit

"Hello, hello, hello

"And you're under arrest...

...and...'ello?"

I'm really stoned

I'm really stoned

Permanently out my bone

I'm really stoned

So come on, let go

Let your feelings show

There's something inside you

The person beside you really needs to know

Come on, change your mind

You never know what you might find

Break out the rizlas

And roll up a place to unwind

Well you can bust me once

You can bust me twice

But you'd have to top me

To finally stop me from loading my dice

'Coz I'm really stoned

I'm really stoned

Permanently out my bone

I'm really stoned

(Joan bakewell) Tart