She comes in about six o'clock
Tripping over toys and picking up socks
And you think her day
Had been a ton of trouble

She's been doing important things
With trading stamps and turnip greens
And have I noticed how
The price of soap has doubled

She's as normal as she can be
She never misses Jeopardy
And I think that she'd elope
With Dick Van Dyke

And when the kids have all been fed
And when I lay me down to bed
She gives me my time of the night

Then she's a lover
She comes to my side
Right around midnight
After her day's been so confused

That's why I love her
And that's why I do right
And if there's a reason
God gave me a feeling
Baby, it's you

She hates tangerines, she loves the ring
Volunteers me for everything
And the bank has never
Been right in her life

She thinks my Uncle Bill's a sap
She's taught me words like overdraft
The only numbers she remembers
Is her shoe size

She had words with the guy next door
And almost started a neighborhood war
'Cause he said something smart
To our son, Bob

And therefore, I had to invite him in
To apologize and convince him
She really didn't think he was
A big, fat slob

She's as normal as she can be
She never misses Jeopardy
And I think that she'd elope
With Dick Van Dyke

But when the kids have all been fed
And when I lay me down to bed
She gives me my time of the night

Then she's a lover
She comes to my side
Right around midnight
After her day's been so confused

That's why I love her
And that's why I do right
And if there's a reason
God gave me a feeling
Baby, it's you

Then she's a lover
She comes to my side...