Two dozen bottles of No. 9
One magic ring for the hypnotizing
Slugs snails and a Chinaman's tooth
One webbed foot from a spotted goose
I'm going through hell
Trying to put a spell on you
Mail order magic
Mail order magic
There's a worn out pouch from a kangaroo
A voodoo dolly with a weird hairdo
An original copy of Aladdin's lamp
This mail order magic ain't worth a stamp

Well oh well
Got to pin a tail on
Well oh well
Got to get to Salem

Well oh well
Maybe they can sell me
How to put a spell on you

Well I'm sitting up to my arse
In legless lizards & sader grass
Potions, pills all of this junk
I'd send it all back
You know there's no refund

I got a dead dogs donga from Shepherds Bush
I got Pharoahs scarab from Hollywood
But the only thing happening in this here pad
This mail order magic is driving me mad

Mail order magic
Mail order magic