The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend



Well I Got Home and the door was locked 

And I tried to ring the bell 

I found a little bitty note that she had wrote 

Telling me to go to hell



I crawled in the window, I got inside 

She kicked me in the balls, and then I cried 

Called me a name, said I lied 

Kicked me again and I thought I died



Took my clothes, set em' on fire

And hit me with her curling iron 

I tried to block it with my watch 

And then she kicked me in the crotch . . . again 



Yeah today's the day my wife met my girlfriend 



Well I tried to tell her but she didn't care 

Things weren't what they seemed 

She had a pan on the stove full of boiling water 

And my nads would soon be steamed



I tried to run, scream for help 

She hit me in the nerts with a Rhinestone belt 

It was like nothing that I ever felt 

I thank god I wasn't wearing a kilt 



She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed 

She swung it once and then she missed my head 

She reared back, swung it again and 

Then she hit me in the twins . . . again 



Yeah today's the day my wife met my girlfriend 



Yeah today's that awful day, 

Hey, my boys won't be the same 

Yeah today's the day my wife met my girlfriend