She climbs a tree
 And scrapes her knee
 Her dress has got a tear.
 SOPHIA:
 She waltzes on her way to mass
 And whistles on the stair.
 BERTHE:
 And underneath her wimpole
 She has curlers in her hair!
 SOPHIA:
 I ever hear her singing in the abbey.
 BERTHE:
 She's always late for chapel,
 MARGARETTA:
 But her penitence is real.
 BERTHE:
 She's always late for everything,
 Except for every meal.
 MOTHER ABBESS:
 I hate to have to say it
 But I very firmly feel
 BERTHE AND SOPHIA:
 Maria's not an asset to the abbey!
 MARGARETTA:
 I'd like to say a word in her behalf.
 Maria makes me laugh!
 SOPHIA:
 How do you solve a problem like Maria?
 MOTHER ABBESS:
 How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
 MARGARETTA:
 How do you find a word that means Maria?
 BERTHE:
 A flibberti gibbet!
 SOPHIA:
 A willo' the wisp!
 MARGARETTA:
 A clown!
 MOTHER ABBESS:
 Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
 Many a thing she ought to understand.
 MARGARETTA:
 But how do you make her stay
 And listen to all you say,
 MOTHER ABBESS:
 How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
 MARGARETTA:
 Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
 MOTHER ABBESS:
 How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
 MARGARETTA:
 When I'm with her I'm confused,
 Out of focus and bemused,
 And I never know exactly where I am.
 SOPHIA:
 Unpredictable as weather,
 She's as flighty as a feather,
 MARGARETTA:
 She's a darling,
 BERTHE:
 She's a demon,
 MARGARETTA:
 She's a lamb.
 SOPHIA:
 She'd out-pester any pest,
 Drive a hornet from his nest,
 BERTHE:
 She can throw a whirling dervish
 Out of whirl.
 MARGARETTA:
 She is gentle,
 She is wild,
 SOPHIA:
 She's a riddle.
 MARGARETTA:
 She's a child.
 BERTHE:
 She's a headache!
 MARGARETTA:
 She's an angel!
 MOTHER ABBESS:
 She's a girl.
 ALL NUNS:
 How do you solve a problem like Maria?
 How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
 How do you find a word that means Maria?
 A flibberti gibbet!
 A willo' the wisp!
 A clown!
 Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
 Many a thing she ought to understand.
 But how do you make her say,
 And listen to all you say?
 How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
 Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
 How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand