Miss Mary Ann
Kept her man
In porcupine gloves, in porcupine gloves
And on that day
As scheduled
They made porcupine love, porcupine love

So stiff and stuck and prickly
He came in and then back out quickly
But Lord not any quicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other

Miss Mary Ann
Had a man
Named Stan, Stan Buttler
He had no antlers
He had no center
He had no enter and he had no exit

His hair was short and prickly
He came in and then back out quickly
But Lord not any quicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other

And how he loved her apple pies
How he loved her meat loaf
How he loved her chicken breasts
How he loved her pudding
Served promptly at eight o'clock
Served promptly at seven
Served promptly at ten o'clock
And promptly at eleven, heaven

Miss Mary Ann
Kept her cans
In alphabetical order
Miss Mary Ann
Began to have
Some thoughts of murder

Miss Mary Ann
Started to think
Real hard about her future
Miss Mary Ann
Preferred her meat
To be freshly butchered

Oh, she killed him rather quickly
Man that woman was truly sickly
But Lord not any sicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other

And how he loved her apple pies
How he loved her meat loaf
How he loved her chicken breasts
How he loved her pudding
Served promptly at eight o'clock
Served promptly at seven
Served promptly at ten o'clock
And promptly at eleven heaven

Miss Mary Ann
Kept her man
In porcupine gloves, in porcupine gloves
And on that day
As scheduled
They made porcupine love
Porcupine lo-hatsjoe