You love me and I love him
He loves her and she loves you
That's the way the story goes
You fool me and I fool him
He fools her and we fool you
That's the way the story goes
Last on Substitute For Life

Husband caught when he kissed the Pretty Girl
Wife just cried Friend just died
Boss took money took off with Secretary
Cops didn't care got their share
Driver stole some diamonds from Millionaire
Maid got blamed Judge got framed
Teacher married her long lost Half-Brother
Twins were nude both were sued
Enter Queen of TV Screen

You love me and I love him
He loves her and she loves you
That's the way the story goes
You fool me and I fool him
He fools her and we fool you
That's the way the story goes

Next on Substitute For Life
Neighbor has an affair with the Son in Law
Daughter is sad Mother is mad
Gangsters kidnap Movie Celebrity
Dog finds track Stranger is back
Doctor finally falls for Sexy Nurse
Boy goes gay Girl can't stay
Athlete leaves his Pregnant Centerfold
All get killed you'll get thrilled
Enter Queen of TV Screen

You love me and I love him
He loves her and she loves you
That''s the way the story goes
You fool me and I fool him
He fools her and we fool you
That's the way the story goes
The story everybody knows

Episode one, episode two
If you have nothing better to do
Episode three and episode four
You've just got to see some more
Episode five, episode six
Love and hate and dirty tricks
Episode seven, episode eight
Don't answer the phone cancel your date
Let's hope you can cope with the dope called soap

You love me and I love him
He loves her and she loves you
That's the way the story goes
You fool me and I fool him
He fools her and we all fool you
That's the way the story goes