I plopped down in my easy chair and turned on Channel 2
A bad gunslinger called Salty Sam was chasin poor Sweet Sue
He trapped her in the old sawmill and said with an evil laugh,
If you don't give me the deed to your ranch
I'll saw you all in half!
And then he grabbed her
He tied her up
He turned on the bandsaw

Chorus:
And then along came Jones
Tall thin Jones
Slow-walkin Jones
Slow-talkin Jones
Along came long, lean, lanky Jones

Commercial came on, so I got up to get myself a snack
You shouldve seen what was goin on by the time that I got back
Down in the old abandoned mine, Sweet Sue was havin fits
That villain said, Give me the deed to your ranch
Or I'll blow you all to bits!
And then he grabbed her
He tied her up
He lit the fuse to the dynamite

Chorus

I got so bugged I turned it off and turned on another show
But there was the same old shoot-em-up and the same old rodeo
Salty Sam was tryin to stuff Sweet Sue in a burlap sack
He said, If you don't give me the deed to your ranch
I'm gonna throw you on the railroad tracks!
And then he grabbed her
He tied her up
He threw her on the railroad tracks
A train started comin

Chorus