If you're feeling lonely and if you're feeling blue and 
things are at their worst/If you know your history then 
just what I do: Sing a song about Elizabeth the First/ 
Some say she was a tyrant. She was mean to all her 
vassals/But then hey, I wasn't there. Maybe her vassals 
all were assholes/And her daddy left four step moms with 
the women that he wedded/And he got a little paranoid and 
had her mom beheaded/And her cousin tried to kill her so 
she locked her in a garrison/It makes your folks divorce 
seem pretty minor by comparison/Oh, Elizabeth, get some 
sleep/Take that crazy crown on off your head/The Spanish 
armada has been battled back to Spain/And now you run the 
middle ages from the middle of your bed/She had a lot of 
suitors. Lots of princes made a pass at her/I bet that 
once or twice she would make out with an ambassador/But 
the couriers and courtiers were uppity and boring/She had 
crushes on explorers but they always went exploring/So 
she never kept a king. She held her independence higher 
and/Her sexual frustration, she just took it out on 
Ireland/Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep/Wipe that crazy 
frown on off your head/The Catholic insurgents are all 
lying in a ditch/And now you run the middle ages from the 
middle of your bed/And they named a colony after her/And 
they called it Virginia cuz she's the Virgin Queen/Which 
seems to me awfully personal/Oh, Elizabeth, get some 
sleep/Wipe those crazy tears on off your head/Your poets 
and your pirates they all like you as a friend/And you 
run the middle ages from the middle of your bed