You see Valentines is torture
And my birthday is a mess!
New Year's is a lot of noise
And Arbor Day's a pest!
Halloween's a horror,
But I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas!

You see Flag Day is infernal.
April Fool's is just a bore.
Mardi Gras a waste
Unless you own a candy store.
All these other holidays
I can admit that I abhor,
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Now it isn't that I like it,
At the most I feel ambivalence!
But should I really just destroy it?
I'll admit that I'm still on the fence.
It makes me tense!

From the evil scientist community
I'm sure to get ejected.
But for Christmas I can seem to summon
Any true invective.
Because what is there to hate?
I mean it's really so subjective!
Though I really don't hate Christmas.

I hate puppy dogs and kittens,
I hate flowers in the Spring!
I even hate the sunshine
And the birdies when they sing.
I can work up animosity for almost anything
Tell me why I don't hate Christmas.

Though my childhood was atrocious,
Christmas never was that bad, you see!
So the best that I can muster
Is complete and total apathy.
What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm
An evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly
I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous
I'd launch a big assault!
But I really don't hate Christmas!

... Ah what the heck? Kick line!

No I really...
No I really don't hate Christmas!

I have an intense burning indifference!